Ups and Downs

This has been a month of ups and downs with highs and lows.

Week 1: (7 weeks along). We had our first Doctor’s appointment to confirm our pregnancy. She brought in her portable ultrasound equipment and when looking at the monitor, she said, it looks like there are two sacs there. Through the rest of the appointment, she would say "fetuses", in the plural and then say, but I could be looking at it wrong, this isn’t the best equipment. I shouldn’t even say that. We decided to schedule a more "in depth" ultrasound in one week to confirm the age of our fetus(es). Mike and I left the hospital that day in awe and shock! 2 babies? 2 cribs? 2 bassinets? 2 carseats? Going from 1 to 3 kids in one shot? Yikes! We called my mom and she was so excited. She had always hoped for twins and felt she had a good chance to get them since her grandpa, my great-grandpa, had 2 brothers that were twins. And generally, twins skip generations. So all week I had dreams of twins and the challenges and fun it could be. By the end of the week, Mike and I had come to the conclusion that if twins were to be ours, there was a reason and that the Lord wouldn’t send us more than he thought we were capable.

Week 2: (8 weeks along). We went to the Dr’s office for the "in-depth" ultrasound. We were so excited to find out if we were having twins or just one and the answer was just moments away. As the Dr. looked at the monitor and explained what we were seeing, She said, what had appeared to be 2 sacs was in fact, just 1 sac and the other that looked like a sac was just a hemorrhaged area where the sac had attached to the uterus. I hadn’t had any blood or spotting, so she was a little surprised that I hadn’t had any. She then told us that the actual sac appeared to be empty. Usually, you would be able to see a yolk, or start of an embryo. And there was nothing. She measured the sac and it was the size of a 6 week embryo. We thought we were 8 weeks along. So this brought up the question: Did the sac stop growing at 6 weeks? Or are we in fact at 6 weeks and not 8 weeks? This gave Mike and I hope that it was only 6 weeks along and just too early to see anything. The Dr. diagnosed a blighted ovum. This happens "when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall but the embryo does not develop. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant. A high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman’s body to naturally miscarry."

Before leaving, we scheduled another ultrasound for the next week to see if there was any change. The Dr. said she wanted us to start thinking about how we want to handle this—if it is a miscarriage-- do we want to schedule a D&C or let it happen naturally. When we went home, Mike and I were once again in shock. We went from thinking we might have TWO babies down to ZERO. I immediately started researching on the internet "blighted ovums" and I came across a website that told stories of women who had misdiagnosed miscarriages. Many women shared similar stories as mine. This gave Mike and I hope that it could be misdiagnosed and that at our next ultrasound, we would be able to see the beginning of our baby. We were feeling the need to have a blessing to help comfort us and feel the power of the Lord in our lives. Two of our friends, Steven Beecroft and Mike Whitmore came over and gave us both preisthood blessings full of comfort and reminders of who we were and why we were here and who we could go to in times of need. It was a comfort to receive these blessings and hear the words of love from our Father in Heaven.

Week 3: (9 weeks along). We went to our ultrasound appointment and once again, we saw the sac on the monitor. She measured it and it had only grown 2 days worth, making it the size of a 6 week and 2 day old sac. Still EMPTY, nothing growing inside. I still hadn’t had any bleeding or spotting. We pretty much knew and accepted that this pregnancy was going to end. Our Dr. suggested we give it another week and see if we naturally miscarried and if not, make a decision then. Two days later, I was working at a buyback and I began to bleed and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I called Mike, for I wasn’t prepared for it and the bathrooms on the campus didn’t have any pads in their machine. He came and it was so nice to see him and Decker. (Decker had gotten croupe this week, so Mike stayed home with Decker since he was very contagious.) The cramping began 4 days later and the reality really hit us.

Week 4: (10 weeks along). This past Wednesday, we had an appointment with the Dr. for another ultrasound. As we were driving to the hospital, strong cramps and heavy bleeding began. While at the Dr.’s office I had to go back and forth into the bathroom. The actual miscarriage was happening while being examined. I was in terrible pain and they finally gave me some Ibuprofen for the cramping. From the monitor, we could see the sac. It had moved from it’s position last week and was hovering over my cervix. Our Dr. tried to pull it out, but that didn’t work. Our Dr. gave us a prescription to help the miscarriage along, (which I didn’t end up taking), and I went home and rested for an hour or so and then that evening, the final piece came out, which we saved and took to the Dr. for lab tests. They wanted to be sure it wasn’t molar.

So here we are almost a week later and we are glad the worst is over and that we have some closure and are able to move forward. Mike and I through this whole process have tried to be optimistic and count the many blessings that we do have.

1. We have Decker, who is healthy and who is a joy in our life.

2. This is not the end, we can still have more children.

3. It happened early rather than later in the pregnancy.

4. If there was something wrong with the embryo, it’s a blessing that my body knew how to handle it. Amazing!

5. This must not be the right time for us to have a second child. When it is the right time, it will happen.

6. My health was not jeopardized.

7. We have a great Doctor who has been very supportive and informative through this whole process!

8. Our families have been a great support and we love them.